I was asked to write a few words on spiritual fatherhood and its importance in the life of an Orthodox Christian. Of course, we cannot speak of spiritual fathers without also mentioning spiritual mothers—both go together.
A major role of a spiritual father is to impart teachings that will guide our lives. In the Church, we are drawn to examples of ancient monastic wisdom, such as St. Anthony the Great and the Desert Fathers, who struggled to live lives of humility and purity, seeking to be united with God. They left us their spiritual writings, e.g., in the Philokalia. In more modern days, we have saints who impart their wisdom through their lives. For example, consider Priest-Martyr Dimitri Klepinin and Mother Maria Skobtsova of Ravensbrück, who lived lives of obedience and integrity, service and sacrifice during the Nazi occupation in Paris and who ultimately died in concentration camps. They continue to inspire us today and thus continue to serve us as spiritual father and mother.
Then, of course, we see those around us in the Church today who are honored by the title of "Father," namely, our deacons, priests, and bishops (the bishops possess more honorific titles but they are still our fathers). What do they teach us about fatherhood? They show us their raison d'être by their very lives: deacons teach us how to serve others, priests how to sacrifice for others, and bishops how to shepherd others. I was fortunate to have many such examples—taking action to serve, showing patience in adversity, and working hard. I was given some excellent advice by Fr. Alexander Schmemann, who combined brilliance with humility and openness: "Peter, when you have a disagreement with someone, ask yourself 'Do I love this person or not?' If the answer is 'no,' be quiet." Thus, love must be our foundation for any relationship.
The clergy spiritual responsibilities are ours as well. Parents serve their children, sacrifice for them, and shepherd them. So do neighbors for neighbors, supervisors for employees, teachers for students. And sometimes this works in reverse, with children caring for parents in need of extra love and affection, and subordinates watching out for their bosses to make sure they don't do the wrong thing. Thus, we act as spiritual fathers and mothers to many. In my own family, my father was a man of few words, with only three years of schooling in Czarist Russia, a refinery laborer all his life, but who taught me by his life the spiritual values of humility, generosity, and hard work. My mother had to leave school after 8th grade, despite being the valedictorian, to work in a shirt factory to support her younger eight brothers and sisters. She taught me by word and example steadfast love, perseverance, and patience in the face of personal struggles.
All spiritual fathers and mothers are inspired by Jesus Christ, who is Himself the exemplar of spiritual fatherhood, giving Himself to His people, without pride, ego, or care for self. Fr. Gabriel Bunge comments: "Calling Christ 'father'—something surely unfamiliar to modern sensitivities—was rather common in the ancient Church." Why is this? Because Jesus Himself shows to us His Father's fatherhood: "He who has seen me has seen the Father." (John 14.9) Jesus proclaimed that his food was to do the will of the Father and to accomplish his work. He was obedient to His Father. He stood up with integrity to the Pharisees and Scribes. He served His people, preaching, teaching, and healing. He sacrificed Himself for us on the Cross. He is the Good Shepherd, asking us to follow and learn from Him.
On the one hand, we are all spiritual sons and daughters, learning from parents, elders, clergy, the writings of the Fathers, the lives of the saints, and ultimately from Christ Himself. We hear the advice of Moses: "Ask your father, and he will tell you, your elders, and they will inform you." (Deut 32.7) The Sage counsels us: "Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise.... for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready upon your lips." (Prov 22:17-18)
In turn, we are called to be spiritual fathers and mothers of those around us, especially our children, our spouses, our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends, and those in need of God’s mercy and help. May we view every moment we spend with others as a miracle wrought by God, who has brought us together for His own purpose, namely, to love as He has loved us.
